


Sierra Tango Oscar Papa

by CommanderGay



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Post 5x04, Simulation suicides, Torture, Violence, probably super ansty actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-06-10 03:35:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6938113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderGay/pseuds/CommanderGay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not AU. Just some angsty Root and Shaw and some action to come maybe</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to get this put out before the new episode comes out about Shaw. I'll try and post the next chapter like tomorrow or something. Hope you like it!

The turquoise light of the lava lamp fills the tiny otherwise dark room, leaving shadows on the wall behind the furniture. If she looks long enough, she can almost imagine her sitting on the chair eating a sandwich from the deli she loved so much and spewing snarky comments halfheartedly. Instead of trying to imagine it, however, Root lies on her side in the small bed and stares at the pink wax blobs drifting up and down inside of the lamp. If Shaw could see this, she'd snort sarcastically and say something mildly insulting, and Root would smile and say something flirty back, receiving an eye roll from the short girl before she would shuffle away.

"If it explodes and sets the whole place on fire, I'm saving Bear first." She imagines she would say.

A warm wet trail slips down the side of Root's face and into her hairline and she closes her eyes to keep the other forming tears at bay. Her voice. She's almost forgotten what Shaw's deep monotone voice sounds like. She's almost forgotten what her hard and calloused hands feels like. What her mischievous and sardonic smile looks like. She can hardly remember the chocolate orbs that burned her in the most satisfying and pleasing way she has ever felt. Sameen was a ghost in her memory now, but Root refused to let her dissipate like she seemed to have with Harold and John.

Ten months. It had been ten months since the final and most meaningful kiss they shared right before the Persian sacrificed herself and saved Root and the others. Root could never forget Shaw, no. She couldn't forget what she looked like even if she wanted to. The image of her pained face when the first bullet hit her will forever be etched into Root's brain. The sight of her dropping to the floor in a puddle of her own blood is burned into the back of her eyes so that when she closes them at night it's always the first thing she sees. The echo of the final gunshot is always what wakes Root from her short lived slumbers, wet with sweat and tears. Root doesn't sleep much anymore; she can't remember the last time she had a full peaceful night's sleep.

She opens her eyes again and slowly sits up in her bed. She throws her legs over the edge of the bed and slips her bare feet into her bunny slippers before standing up and leaving her room. The train cart is dark, but tinted with an array of warm blue light. She steps in and sits in the chair in front of the black monitors.

She sits quietly, staring at the screens for quite a while, before she reaches toward the one right in front of her and presses the power on button; she does the same action with the monitor above her. The screens light up and Root shuts her eyes from them, adjusting to the sudden brightness. When she opens her eyes, she just stares at the screen in front of her again. Her heart is starting to pound already. Not with excitement or hope, but with dread and anticipation. Hope? She lost that the first time She failed to locate Shaw when She was up and running again. She lost hope over and over again; every time she looked at the monitor just to see the same thing it said the first time.

She looks up to the top monitor and watches the dark and almost empty street the camera is pointing at. The magazine stand is closed, the magazines gone and the steel shutter covers the counter. A homeless man sits on a blanket farther down the sidewalk. A few cars drive down the street. Root watches the camera's surveillance with a blank stare until her eyes go dry and sting. She looks down at the keyboard in front her and brings her fingertips to the keys, typing out the same thing she does almost every night.

She leans against the desk and watches Her work, her vision already blurring from the layer of salty water covering her eyes.

**Searching for asset:**

**SHAW, SAMEEN**

Her breath is shaky as she sees the camera locations get highlighted one by one. Finch had told her that She would alert them if there was any sign of Sameen's whereabouts, but that just wasn't enough for Root. She would lie in bed every once in a while and ask Her if She had found even a single breadcrumb for Shaw, but She never gives her a real answer.

_Sierra_

_Tango_

_Oscar_

_Papa_

That's all She ever tells her, unless Root physically looks Shaw up on the monitors. Even The Machine seemed to feel pity for Root. The computer beeps and Root focuses on the monitor again.

**0 HITS. SEARCH UNSUCCESSFUL**

Root closes her eyes in defeat once again. She allows the stream of tears to escape this time as she rests her head in her open palms on the desk. A quiet sob pushes up from her lungs and out of her mouth as news -- or lack thereof -- hits her. The monitors go into sleep mode and black out, but she stays in her place in front of them. She cries in the train cart well past two hours until her nose is so stuffed she can't breathe through it and her eyes are so puffy they're only half open. She cries silently until her head hurts and her body is absolutely exhausted. She cries until her eyes no longer produce tears and the tracks on her cheeks dry and tighten the skin underneath.

She stands with shaky legs and arms and gives the black monitors one last glance before turning around and dragging her feet out of cart. She feels more than sees Bear at her side as he nudges her hand with his nose. She makes it back to her room and Bear follows. When she climbs back into bed, Bear jumps up and curls up beside her, resting his head in her lap and starts whining.

"I know," She whispers to him, a lump in her throat making her sound like she's underwater. "I miss her too, buddy. So much."

_Sierra_

_Tango_

_Oscar_

_Papa_

She can't stop. No matter how many times She has told her to stop looking for Sameen, she cannot. Not after she had proof that the sociopath was still alive. She shouldn't have listened the first time She told her to stop, but she trusted Her. She still did, but Root couldn't follow that instruction anymore. Though she wasn't actively going around the state torturing and killing anyone who might know a thing about Shaw's location, she still was looking for her. When she wasn't working numbers or doing things for The Machine, she was digging into any possible way to find Sameen. Samaritan was far too smart to leave anything, however. No smudge, no breadcrumb, no crack in the glass, nothing.

Root feels tears slipping down her cheeks again and she sighs, looking back at the lava lamp and cuddling into Bear’s warm body.

_Sierra_

_Tango_

_Oscar_

_Papa_

No, she won't stop looking until she finds Shaw. She just hopes that when she does, it's not in a body bag.

When she wakes up the next day, it's to find Harold in the cage with the battle between The Machine and Mini Samaritan. John sits at the desk outside of the train cart, cleaning his guns. Root smiles sadly, remembering all the times she'd find Shaw cleaning her guns there instead.

"Good afternoon, Miss Groves." Harold says from in the cage. He's giving her a look of concern and she pushes the sad smile away to make room for her usual perky one.

"How is She doing in there?" She asks, pointing to the laptops in front of Finch with her chin.

"There is breakfast on the bench if you're hungry." He avoids the question and points past her. She may not be able to see the fight going on in the cage, but Root knows it's not going too good for Her. She nods and heads for the bench full of fast food breakfast. She opts for a deep red apple instead.

"I take it we don't have a number today?" She asks John as she leans against his chair and takes a bite from her apple.

"The Machine not keeping you updated?" Reese asks with a mix of amusement and curiosity. He looks up at her for an answer.

She taps her ear swiftly as she finishes chewing. "I need to recharge." She opens a desk drawer and pulls out batteries.

"Detective Fusco is looking a bit more into our new number, Miss Groves." Finch says, locking the gate behind him when he leaves the cage. "He is following her around while Mr. Reese finishes whatever he is doing."

"Clean mine while you're at it?" Root asks with a quick smile to John. She pulls her two pistols out from another drawer and sets them on the desk in front of him. "I'm coming with you."

"That won't be necessary, Miss Groves." Finch says, trundling over to the two of them. "I guarantee this woman is not dangerous enough to need two people with guns following her around."

Root wraps an arm around Finch playfully. "I'm bored, Harry. I want to do something fun! Plus, I'm sure She will have something for me to do once I put new batteries in."

"We still don't know whether she's the victim or perpetrator, Finch." John says, not looking away from cleaning one of Root's pistols. "Just because she's tiny doesn't mean she's not capable killing or doing something illegal. Shaw is the prime examp--" He stops short of his sentence and freezes in his cleaning. Slowly, he turns to Finch and Root, searching their faces.

Root forces a playful smile onto her lips and leans down to John's ear. "At least you said _is_ and not _was_." She says lightly before pushing herself up and taking another bite of the apple in her hand.

There's a few beats of silence before Finch changes the subject and Root tunes the two of them out as she makes her way to Bear, who is happily gnawing on a large bone. She replaces the batteries in her cochlear implant and sits on the floor to pet Bear while the two men start bickering about something to do with their newest number. Just before Reese finishes cleaning her second pistol, She starts speaking to Root and Root stands from her spot.

"Sorry John," She says. "Change of plans. I've got different orders now. Thanks for the clean up, big guy." She takes her pistols and stuffs them into the back of her pants before heading for the exit.

"What is it you're going to do, Miss Groves?" Finch asks.

She spins around to look at them and shrugs. "No idea." She practically sings before spinning back around and leaving.

"I sure hope she stays undetected." Finch mumbles. "She's not doing so good during the night still and I'm afraid her lack of sleep might get the better of her soon."

"Would you like me to keep an eye on her?" John asks, standing from his seat and turning to Finch.

"That's quite alright, Mr. Reese. The priority for the two of us is Emily Smith." John nods his understanding.

"She can take care of herself, Finch." He says.

"Yes," Finch says sadly, slowly nodding his head. "But Miss Groves might not have her head completely on anything until we find Miss Shaw. She spends most of her nights staring at the monitors."

John bows his head dejectedly. "Still no sign? Nothing?"

"Not even a whisper of a whisper. I'm afraid it may be more than just her being well hidden now."

John shakes his head. "I don't believe that. Shaw is a fighter."

"It has been ten months, Mr. Reese. There's only so much time someone can fight until it's too much, even for Miss Shaw. I simply cannot imagine what Samaritan might be doing to her as we speak if she is still alive."

They're quiet for a while, both standing beside each other. "I have my doubts as well, but I agree with something Root said to me before."

"And what is that?"

John looks to Finch with a small smile. "Nothing kills that cat." He slips his gun into its holster and leaves the room.

Root sighs sadly and continues walking down the sidewalk. Of course she bugged the underground hideout. She had to know whenever The Machine first announced it has found Shaw. Hearing the conversation between Finch and Reese, however, was not something she expected. She knew Finch had his doubts, but he didn't seem to have any hope that Shaw was still alive. Yet again.

Root knew she was still alive, she was sure of it. She was grateful for John's words. He too believed her to be alive, for the most part. The Machine is speaking to her again, and Root has to focus on the matter at hand for the time being. After this new mission she's working on, it was time to start digging some more.

_Sierra_

_Tango_

_Oscar_

_Papa_

"Shaw is not going to be happy we took this long to rescue her." She sighs sadly, fighting back the horrid feeling in her gut and smiling lightly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually got sad writing the end of this, like....

"You. You were my safe place, Root." The tears welling up in Root's eyes are enough to tear Shaw apart. She'd never seen the perky woman so broken, and she wishes she never had to. But this was what needed to be done.

"I won't hurt you, Root. I won't let them." Shaw says, her throat tight and her heart pounding in her head. "But I can't control myself... And the only thing I can control is this..."

She brings the tightly held gun up to the side of her head. Root stays planted in her spot, staring at her with wide, watery eyes. Shaw wills herself to keep her eyes open and looking at Root. She wants this woman in front of her to be the last thing she ever sees, even if it's not the smiling, flirty version she had grown to love. She takes a final breath, her gun hand shaking and unwavering of its task.

The last thing she thinks before she squeezes the trigger is how much this is all worth it to keep Root safe.

 

Her body jolts in the hard bed and the fast beeping of the monitor beside her tells her observers just how much her heart is racing. All she can see, however, is black. Nothing but the black simulation goggles covering her eyes.

"Another suicide, sir." Stewart's voice says from beside her.

"Very well," Greer's voice says from in front of her. "That's about it for the night. We shall start back up tomorrow morning."

The goggles are pulled off of Shaw's face and she stares up at the bright hospital lights shining in her face.

"Miss Shaw, you truly are a fighter." Greer says to her. She doesn't respond to him. "I look forward to seeing you in action when you finally join our side."

Shaw slowly turns her head to finally look at him. "I look forward to seeing you bleed out in real life when I finally get out of here."

Greer smiles at her as though she had just complimented his suit instead of threatening his life. "Can't have that, now can we? Tell me, Sameen. Don't you get tired of killing yourself every single time?"

"I've done worse." Shaw’s throat is dry from dehydration and lack of use and comes out croaky.

"I'm sure you have." Greer says. "Well, I must be off now. Matters to attend to and such." He turns away and leaves without another word, leaving Shaw and Stewart alone as he gathers his equipment.

Shaw stares up at the lights until she's seeing spots and looks up at the ceiling instead. When Stewart finishes up, he sets off for the door. "Enjoying the simulations?"

Stewart turns around and gives Shaw a questioning look. "What do you mean?"

Shaw continues to look up at the ceiling. "You've watched me and Root fuck in all these different places nine-thousand and sixty-three times. I'm sure that's all the action you've gotten in a very long time. You must be enjoying your time here."

Shaw doesn't need to look at him to know Stewart is glaring at her, and also probably quite flustered. She hears him exhale exasperatedly. "I'll be seeing you soon, Shaw. Same time tomorrow?" His voice is teasing and Shaw grips the sheets at her sides as tight as she can.

"When I get out of here," Shaw says quietly. "You're third on my list."

Stewart scoffs and turns back to the door. "Nurse Briggs will be in soon to help you sleep." He locks the door from the outside when he's gone, leaving Shaw alone finally.

By "help you sleep" he means inject her with enough sedative for her to be knocked out all night so she can't find a way to escape. Shaw sighs.

Her body is tired. Her mind is tired. Her spirit is tired. Shaw is tired. But she won't break. She doesn't care how long they keep her until they finally decide to kill her, she will not break. She has no idea how long it's been since she was first captured. The last time they told her, it had been twelve months. Literally twelve months exactly. Lambert thought it funny to celebrate the one year anniversary of her capture. He brought in a cake and everything. Vanilla. Not even a chocolate cake. Vanilla is such a boring flavor. He probably didn't find the joke funny after Shaw drew enough strength in her mostly doped up body to shoot up and smash the damn thing into his face so hard she broke his nose before they pinned her to the ground and sedated her.

It must have been at least another month or two since then, however. Honestly, she wouldn't know; the days and nights blend together in this giant concrete box.

This psychological torture was the worst. She hardly got a break. Simulation after simulation, back to back to back to back until it was time to eat, then a small break, and then back to more simulations until they gave her another break, then more until it was time for them to sleep. Honestly, she wishes they would just go back to the physical torture they used on her in the very beginning. She was far more used to that kind of pain, after all.

Shaw looks at her wrists and stares at the faded scars left from fighting against the sharp binds they use to put her in. In those days, she took her training from ISA and put it to use. When things got too bad and painful, she would go to her safe place...

* * *

 

_"Here's your vanilla creamer with a tiny bit of coffee." Shaw says as she slides into the driver's seat and hands Root the coffee cup. Root takes it and inhales, letting out an exaggerated moan that has Shaw rolling her eyes in irritation. This girl knew every tick that annoyed Shaw and she was sure to use them at any chance she had. Root takes a sip of her overly sweet coffee._

_"Delicious. You know me so well, Sameen." She says with that same flirty tone she always used on Shaw. Shaw hums her response and puts her cup of black coffee to her lips. Root shifts in her seat. "Oh, I brought you something too!" She pulls a bag out from the back seat and sets it on her lap before she starts pulling out the items. "I know how hungry you get when you're doing a stakeout."_

_She pulls out a pack of beef jerky, a few bags of chips, crackers, dark chocolate, and a paper wrapped sandwich from the deli Shaw loves so much. Shaw takes the sandwich and unwraps it, checking to make sure all the ingredients are in it before nodding her approval and taking a bite out of it._

_"What, no 'you know me so well' back?" Root probes, wriggling her head just past Shaw's personal bubble. Shaw turns her head to look expressionlessly at Root before deliberately taking a large bite from the sandwich so she didn’t have to talk to her. They both know just much Root does in fact know her so well, though Shaw wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing. Root was the only person who actually got her, and Shaw did appreciate that. She did. Somewhere in that sociopathic little heart._

_"I got us a little something else too." Root says mischievously, lifting an eyebrow up at Shaw as she reaches in the back seat and brings up a pair of handcuffs and a black studded riding crop. This grabs Shaw's attention and she narrows her eyes warningly at Root as she swallows._

_"Root, now is not the time to be screwing around."_

_Root smirks and leans closer to Shaw until their faces are only an inch apart from each other. "Literally."_

_She keeps her eyes locked on Shaw's, challenging her to break the contact, and as expected, Shaw rolls her eyes and turns her head to stare at the office building their new number was working a late shift in._

_"Don't worry, sweetie. These aren't for now." Shaw looks back at a smiling Root, who has tossed the two items in the back seat again and is taking a banana from the bag of food. Root raises her eyebrows at Shaw alluringly. "Maybe we'll finish saving our number early tonight. Leave some time for a little R and R."_

_Shaw stares at her for a few beats longer than necessary before shaking her head softly, turning her head back to the building, and failing miserably at hiding the smile splayed on her lips._

_It wasn't long until their number left the office and Shaw took out the man following the girl home with a gun in his hand._

Shaw coughs the water from her lungs and gasps for air when it's finally given to her. It's dirty air; sprinkles of water and whatever nasty shit the rag over her face is covered in gets in her mouth as well, but it's air nonetheless, and it feels like it's the first decent amount she's been able to breathe in for at least an hour.

"Come on, Shaw, just tell us where The Machine is located and we can finally be done with this. I'm sure you're tired of this now." Lambert says with a smile unfitting of the situation. At least, unfitting for Shaw's situation. She can't see him, but she knows he's standing somewhere to the right of her, and Greer is standing somewhere else in the small room they have her in. She's tied to the hard table she lies on and her back is sore as hell from it.

When the rag is pulled away from her face for the first time in God only knows, she glances around the dimly lit room. Greer and Lambert stand on either side of the table and a big brawly man stands over her with an empty bucket.

Shaw breathes heavily, still trying to catch her breath. She looks back and fourth between Greer and Lambert and sneers. "Please. You act like I've never been waterboarded before. This used to be just another Tuesday for me." She laughs a rough and chilling laugh. "I've met children who can do this better than you." Lambert and Greer exchange looks. "Give me your worst."

Greer turns his head to the man with the bucket and nods. The man sets the bucket down and walks toward the wall with a running faucet. When he comes back, he's holding a hose with an endless supply of water spilling from it. Her vision is obstructed by the cold rag again and the next downpour of water has her fighting for air again.

* * *

 

The pain is excruciating. The muscles in her entire body are tense and jerky as she convulses. Fuck, she thinks, but doesn't say out loud. This wave of electricity was far worse than the other ones inflicted on her by the Taser in Martine's hand. Martine doesn't even speak as she waits for Shaw's spasms to cease. Shaw doesn't say a word to her, only glares up at her. Martine's tortures were the worst. Greer allowed her to do most of her work without him around, giving her the ability to amp up the pain as much as necessary without killing her.

"Still?" Is all Martine says when Sameen's body relaxes and slumps forward. The sweat dripping from the Persian face has already covered the chair she sits in and is dripping into a puddle on the floor beneath her. Shaw says nothing, but keeps her stoic eyes on the menacing brown ones in front of her. "Good. I'm quite enjoying myself, aren't you?"

_"I kind of enjoy this sort of thing."_ Shaw hears herself say in her head.

_“I'm so glad you said that."_ Root's voice is next. _"I do too."_

The volts hit her even harder than the last time, and a groan rips through her throat apart as she throws her head back and her eyes roll back. She feels like her whole body is on fire and she forces her mind to other places.

_"We're supposed to be translating this crap, Root." Shaw says, waving her hand halfheartedly at Harold's lengthy instructions on destroying the virus. They were two hours into it by the time Root started to grow bored, and ten minutes after that, Shaw started to zone out as well. Another hour later and Root starts throwing popcorn at Shaw for her to catch in her mouth while some action movie plays on the TV. Shaw is the first to try and bring her attention back to the task at hand, but it is fallen on deaf ears as Root leans against the couch's arm rest and looks alluringly at Shaw's profile._

_"Aren't you bored of this already?" Root asks._

_"You're the one that usually yells at me for getting sidetracked." Shaw says, flipping through the pages of the packet and staring blankly at them. "What's got you so distracted?"_

_"Well for starters, it's past my bedtime." Root says, and though Shaw isn't looking at her, she can hear the playful pout in her voice. "Not to mention you've been rubbing your leg against mine for the past two hours until I started throwing food at you."_

_Shaw turns her eyes to Root's face. Her head is tilted to the side and she's giving Shaw a knowing look, her lips pulled into a smile that Shaw hates to admit she likes so much. Shaw looks away with a smug smile of her own. Yeah, she was purposely doing that to Root, knowing how any sort of physical contact with the sociopath makes the girl fidgety and restless._

_"Yeah, that's what I thought." Root says, shifting her legs just slightly, her eyes never leaving Shaw's. "You were doing it on purpose." Like an animal pouncing on its prey, Root pulls herself to her knees on the couch and swings a leg over Shaw's lap, straddling her. She rests her hands on Shaw's shoulders and her face is just inches from hers. A smirk plays on Root's lips as she sees the black in Sameen's eyes grow wider. "Much better."_

_Shaw's eyes dart to Root's lips and back up and she hesitates suddenly. Root brings one of her hands up to cup Shaw's face softly and it's Shaw's heart that starts racing that almost has Sameen leaning in to capture those lips. Instead, Root pushes on her cheek harshly, turning her head so she can lean in and bite down on the part of her neck that always made Shaw moan. This time was no different. Root bit and sucked hungrily on Shaw's neck, leaving a couple of bruises that Shaw would probably kill her for later. Shaw brings her hands to grip hard on Root's hips, but Root takes her hands and pushes them to the back of the couch on each side of Shaw's head. Shaw can easily break the grip, but she doesn't. She lets Root have her way with her, just as she usually does.  
When Root finally lets go of her hands, Shaw starts unbuttoning her shirt and slides it off of her shoulders, leaving Root in her black lacey bra. Root's skin is unlike Shaw’s. Where Shaw's skin is decorated in scars, Root's is untouched. She did have a small scar on her right shoulder from a bullet wound that was sloppily stitched back up, but that was it. Root follows her action and takes the other girl's shirt off as well._

Sameen jerks her arms against the restraints roughly when the next jolt comes even worse. 

_"Wait," Root says in Shaw's ear. "I know just the thing to use tonight." She's moving to get off of Sameen's lap when the girl below her digs her nails into her bare back. Root gasps and locks her eyes on Shaw's. "Be good, cutie." She scolds. "I'll be right back."_

_Shaw lets her go, making sure she sees the glare thrown at her for the annoying pet name. When she returns, one of her arms is behind her back and a naughty smile stretches her lips. Shaw quirks a brow curiously at her, waiting to see what she was so excited to get. When she brings her hand forward, Sameen doesn't know whether to laugh or walk right out of the front door. Root presses the button and the blue-white electricity strings between the two electrodes._

_"Oh hell no." Sameen says, glaring at Root. "You are not touching me with that thing."_

_"Oh, come on, Sameen." Root says playfully, stepping closer and closer to Shaw. "Feeling nostalgic?" She straddles Shaw again and the Persian doesn't know why she didn't get up and walk away before it was too late._

_"If you Taser me again, Root, I swear to whatever God you believe in that you will regret it."_

_Root smirks at Sameen and presses the Taser to her bare skin. She brings her lips to Shaw's ear and nips it. "Don't you trust me, Sam?"_

_Sameen's heart is pumping as she feels the Taser slide up and down her stomach. She should be freaking out, but damn, Root has a way of making anything hot as hell. Root presses the Taser harder into her stomach, but doesn't turn it on, and Sameen throws her head back with a moan. "Fuck, Root." She breathes._

_Root teases Shaw for a little longer until Shaw gets impatient, takes the Taser from her hand, and tosses it behind them somewhere, before unclipping Root's bra at the same time Root fumbled to pull off Sameen's pants._

"I think that's enough, Martine." Greer's voice echoes into the room as he steps in and stares at the mess that is Shaw. "Anymore and her heart might not be able to take it. She's not going to give us answers today."

Martine nods and leaves the room. A nurse and two guards come in to help Shaw up and back to her room. Her mouth is bleeding from biting her lip so hard at some point during the torture. When they unbuckle the wrists straps, her wrists are raw red and bleeding in some places. It's not the first time and it won't be the last time. Shaw manages to punch one of the guards in the face and push another one to the ground before they pin her to the ground and sedate her.

* * *

 

The simulations are so realistic, it's hard to remember that they aren't real sometimes. In the back of Sameen's mind, she knows they're fake. She definitely knows they're fake when the simulation goggles are over her eyes but the simulation hasn't started yet. The problem is that when it starts up, it's so realistic that she almost forgets. But after a while, it's easier and easier to realize it. This time, she catches on fairly quickly; right when Root tells her they're in her place when they are so clearly in one of their safe houses.

"They scarred by beautiful girl." Root says when they're lying in bed face to face. Her fingers and running across each of the scars on Shaw's back and it feels good. Shaw closes her eyes and relishes in the touch. As fake as it is, it still feels like Root, and that's all Shaw cares about right now. Real Root already knows about the scars on Sameen's back, Simulation Root does not. That was one of the cracks in the simulation Shaw caught onto first.

As usual, Shaw explains that the scars are not from Samaritan, but from her previous job at ISA. She tells her about the torture techniques she learned from the job, about taking her mind to a safe place that didn't exist back then. She tells her about how much she couldn't stand her in the beginning. She watches the smile on Root's mouth form and it hurts Shaw to know how literally unreal this is. She leans forward and she kisses Root. She pulls away and takes in every line and curve of the woman's face, sketching it into her memory like she did in every simulation.

"I should have kisses you." Sameen whispers, breaking routine. Root pulls her eyebrows together in confusion.

"What do you mean, sweetie?"

Sameen rubs her thumb over Simulation Root's soft cheek. "I should have kissed you more. Before I got captured by Samaritan. In all the times we hooked up, we never once kissed each other. And that was because of me. I don't _do_ feelings; I don't get them. But when I was with you, I felt _something_. Something that wasn't _anger_ or _boredom_. And it freaked me out, so I held it at arms length. I held you at arms length and I didn't kiss you, even when I wanted to. I should have kissed you before I sacrificed myself at the stock exchange. Now I'll never get the chance to do it again."

Root smiles sweetly, her eyes glossy. "Sam, we've been kissing all night."

Sameen's vision is blurry and she lets the tears slip down her cheek and into her hairline. Root always had a way of opening up her sociopathic heart and making her _feel_. She was finally starting to see it as a good thing, and it was all too late.

"Yeah," Sameen says, smiling sadly back at Root. "But you're not real. None of this is real."

Root stares at her for a minute longer before everything fades to black and Shaw is left lying in a bed with only the sound of the steady beeping of her heart from the monitor beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr @ Gayassheda


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw escapes and finds Root

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I just finished writing this at the airport. I'm off to Mexico and I'm so pissed because I'm going to miss today and tomorrow's episodes! NO SPOILERS PLEASE I ALREADY HAVE TO AVOID TUMBLR FOR THE NEXT 5 DAYS. Anyway, this ended up being a little rushed because I wanted to put it up before tonight's episode. Hope you like it!

 Shaw steps out of the cold shower and wraps a towel over her wet body. Whatever facility she's in has hot water, she just prefers to stand in the cold water; the chilling burn reminds her that she's still alive. She shuffles toward the mirror above the sink and stares at the reflection, trying to recognize the face staring right back at. Her skin is pale and dark and sunken around her eyes. Her eyes themselves are red from lack of sleep. They had decided that sleep deprivation might help her forget that the simulations are simulations and trick her into showing them the location of The Machine Team's base of operations. It was unsuccessful, obviously. Her lips are chapped and cracked in places and her face all together is the thinnest it's ever been. She stares at the tired face and feels the bile in her mouth; it's infuriating and her knuckles go white from the tight grip she has on the sink.

She's had enough. Enough of this torture and this life she may never escape. A broken roar pushes through her unused throat and she rips the sink from the wall with her hands and throws it against the opposite wall. Water spews from the pipe in the wall. She grips the sides of the mirror and pulls it from the wall as well. It shatters in the same spot the sink had crashed into and she hears the door of in the main room open.

She takes a large shard of the broken mirror and swipes at the first guard running toward her. He dodges it, but Shaw swings her leg up and knees him in the gut before punching him unconscious. The next guard comes and she swerves her body to the side and pushes him past her and head first into the wall. When the next guard comes in, he tackles her, pressing her into the wall in the main room. a jolt of pain hits her side, but she ignores it and jabs the shard of glass into his back twice before he drops to the floor and she's back on her feet. Sameen bends down and takes the pistol from the guard before bolting out of the open door. She shoots the kneecaps of three guards and a nurse before she opens a door and is met with a group of guards, each pointing their weapons straight at her.

She stands there, her own pistol raised in her hand as she breathes heavily. Sighing in defeat, Shaw drops the gun to the floor and raises her hands up in defeat. Two guards come forward, and the blow to the head is the last thing she feels before she's knocked out and dragged back to her room.

 

 

**Searching for asset:**

**SHAW, SAMEEN**

**0 HITS. SEARCH UNSUCCESSFUL**

Root sighs sadly, staring at the same results she always received. She's alone in the subway today; Harold and John having a number they needed to work on together. Root sits at the desk of monitors, her arm dangling off the side and scratching her fingers into Bear's head.

"I know you're out there, Sameen." Root says quietly. "I won't stop looking for you until we get you back. Don't lose hope."

One of the screens above her switch from a surveillance camera looking out at a New York street to a blue screen. Root watches as words appear on the screen. With Samaritan up and running, She couldn't communicate as openly through Root's cochlear implant as she used to. Sometimes talking through the monitors was the safer choice.

_I am sorry I cannot find Sameen Shaw._

Root reads the message and smiles sadly. "It's okay. You're trying your best."

_Is Analog Interface sad?_

Root frowns at the screen. "I miss her. I..." Root's voice cracks and she already feels her eyes watering. "Shaw is out there somewhere, thinking we've abandoned her. She has no idea whether we're still looking for her or not, and I can't imagine what that's like, not to mention what they might be doing to her. It's been over a year and we haven't saved her yet." Root waits for Her to answer back, but she doesn't. "So please, if there's any possible way to find her... Or at least send a message to her, please just tell me."

The Machine doesn't respond for a while, and just when Root is about to get up and shuffle away, the blue screen flashes to Shaw's photo. Three dots appear and disappear just underneath the photo, as though loading or thinking.

After a bit, the screen flashes repeatedly; each time, showing a different camera angle. Root can't make out the scenes before they change to another and another and another, much faster than She usually does.

**0 HITS. SEARCH UNSUCCESSFUL.**

Root continues to watch the screen as it switches back to Shaw's photo.

**Searching for name recognition:**

**SAMEEN AND/OR SHAW.**

The other screen above the two on the desk starts flashing between sound waves of different voices. Root hears the name "Shaw" multiple times, but She bypasses them, marking them as irrelevant. Root edges closer to the end of her chair and watches the screens intently.

**0 HITS. SEARCH UNSUCCESSFUL.**

She slouches back into her seat in defeat and feeling her eyes burn.

_"Skip the verbal foreplay, Root. Why are you calling?"_ Sameen's voice plays through the speakers and she looks back up again.

**Searching for voice recognition.**

The screen reads. This time, there is no flashing. Once again, the only thing on the screen is Sameen's photo and the three dots, accompanied by the four words now. She thinks and thinks and thinks and Root closes her eyes as she feels her excitement diminish after quite some time has passed.

Suddenly, the monitor beeps and Root opens her eyes.

**I HIT. SEARCH SUCCESSFUL.**

Root stands from her spot and stares wide eyed between the two screens. The monitor on the left opens a full map of the United States and begins zooming in slowly as it locates the destination of the single hit. When it's done, it's narrowed down to an area near Lexington, Kentucky, the day after the stock exchange mission over a year ago. A sound wave box pops up in the middle of the screen and the entire world seems to go quiet as Root waits for the sound to start.

It starts off as shouting, and Root could cry from how much the voice is _Shaw's_. She's grunting and breathing heavily and Root can imagine the compact sociopath having just woken up wherever she was and attempting to fight her way free.

_"When I get out of here, I've going to destroy y--"_ She grunts and the box closes, ending the voice recognition.

Root stands from her place, running the recording over and over in head, saving it in her memory before she turns away and practically runs to her room to grab her supplies. The Machine voices its concerns to Root through her cochlear implant.

"You sound just like Harold." She says, barely listening to Her. "Like Creator, like ASI. Relax, I will be back before John or Harold return. They won't even know I left." The Machine continues to object. "I'll bring Bear with me, okay? I'll be fine. I have _you_ with me after all."

Root gathers her things and immediately sets off to follow the cold trail of Shaw. She feels much more alive since she has for the past thirteen months.

As promised, she returns back to New York before Harold or John even worry about her. Her optimism and hope dissipated just as the small lead to Shaw's location had. Harold notices the down shift in her demeanor, but doesn't know what to say.

 

 

The nurse walks in early in the morning for the usual starting injection before the simulations start. It's been a few weeks since Sameen's latest attempt at escaping, and her cracked ribs have yet to finish healing. They did give her a little break from the simulations in the beginning, giving her time to recover before throwing her back in to just watch her shoot herself over and over again. The small pause gave Sameen time to work on her next big escape plan.

"Do you have any children?" Shaw asks the nurse, who looks up at her with a surprised look.

"No." She answers. "I hate kids. Now move your hand for me."

Shaw's grip on the bed rail doesn't loosen, but she does turn her arm over for the nurse to rub an alcohol swab on her skin. She pulls the syringe out of her pocket and moves it closer to her arm. Shaw move just the slightest and the nurse stops, catching the way the rail moves along with her. She stares at the aluminum pole for a second before looking up at Shaw's smirk.

"That's good." Shaw says, keeping her eyes on the nurse. "It means I won't feel bad for this."

Before the nurse has time to react and move away, Sameen pulls the rail that she had spent three weeks cutting on one end with her thumb nail. She pulls it up first, bending the pole up with her strength and then twisting it until the weak aluminum cracks and rips apart. It all happens so fast, the nurse only has time to back away a couple of steps before Shaw swing the pole down hard and fast into the top of her skull, hearing a crack as the nurse drops to the floor. Shaw stands from the bed and brings the pole up to look at; it's bent from the impact now. She knew it wouldn't stand much, seeing how easy it was for her nail to cut through it after enough friction.

"It'll make due for now." Shaw says to herself. She bends over the nurse's body and pulls her key card from her breast pocket before unlocking the door and stepping out. The alarm finally starts going off, announcing her newest escape. She doesn't have much time before they surround her. She runs down the hallway, swinging her pole into the camera in a top corner before slipping into one of the rooms on the side. She knocks the camera out in the room, turns the light off, and waits for the sound of shoes on tile.

"In there." She hears one of the guards say to another one.

They open the door and step inside. When the door closes, leaving them in pitch black again, Shaw steps away from her spot in the darkness and swings her weapon at one of the guard's heads. He lets out a grunt of pain and she throws her next blow into the other guy's stomach. A gunshot rings in the room, the blow lighting the room and revealing Shaw's place to the two of them. They both charge for her in the once again darkness and Shaw fights the two of them blindly, blocking and punching and kicking at predicted areas. She knocks one of the guys out quickly and soon enough, she has the gun from the other guy and shoots him... anywhere she possibly can; she honestly has no idea where she shot him. Judging by the low and pained groans, however, she figures somewhere that didn't kill him.

She crouches down and takes the man by his short hair, pulling roughly until he cries out. "How do I get out of here?" She hisses at him.

"You can't get out of here." He groans when her grip on his head tightens. "You won't get far before they take you down again. Haven't you learned that from all your failed attempts already?"

Shaw practically growls and runs her free hand down his body until it touches a wet spot on the side of the stomach. She jabs the barrel of the pistol into the bullet wound and he screams his agony. The door to the room opens, shining a light into the dark place and Shaw turns around to shoot the two people running in before the door closes again. She turns back to the guy in front of her and sticks the end of the pistol deeper into the wound.

"Tell me where to go or I'll make this the longest three minutes of your life." Shaw digs the weapon further into wound and cocks the gun to prove her point.

"Okay okay okay!!!" He half cries, half whimpers through gritted teeth. "Just please, don't kill me. Don't kill me and I'll tell you!"

Shaw nods her head. "Deal, now spill."

With heaving breaths, he tells her how to escape. When he finishes, she stands from her spot and turns away to the door, popping a shot into the incoming guard in the hallway before turning back to the one still alive on the floor.

"You should have learned already." Sameen says in monotone. "Never bargain with the enemy. You can't trust them." She brings the pistol up in front of her and fires her last bullet into his chest. She takes two pistols from the other guards and stuffs one in the waist line of her sweat pants. She runs down the hallways the guard had told her to go through, unsure if he was lying or not, but it was her only chance at escaping. She stops, however, when she catches a door in one of the hallways.

"Stewart." Shaw mumbles the name on the door and steps closer. When she opens the door, she finds the doctor sitting behind his desk doing some sort of paperwork. When he sees her, he jumps from his chair and backs into the table cabinets behind him.

"Shaw," He breathes, fear lacing his voice. "Please... You don't have to do this, please."

Shaw tilts her head, her dark eyes growing darker on him as she steps closer and closer. "But I do, Stewart. I told you, you're third on my list." His eyes are wet and his jaw is tense and there's nowhere for him to go. "It's funny, you're third, but you're going to be the first one I get to kill. Lambert hasn't showed up yet, but I'm sure he will. I'll find Greer eventually."

Shaw charges for the doctor and grips his throat with both hands, squeezing hard and tight. His nails scrape and claw at her fingers and hands and he manages to break skin in a few place, but Shaw doesn't let up. She watches as Stewart slowly loses strength until his eyes go unfocused and he goes still. When she no longer feels his pulse against her fingers, she lets go and watches him collapse to the floor, lifelessly. The door opens behind her, but she's on fire with Stewart's death only adding fuel, and she spins around, pistol in hand, and fires a bullet into each of the two men.

When she makes it to the elevator, she finds Lambert standing inside with a nurse and two guards. Taking a page from Root, she pulls out her second pistol and fires both weapons, taking down the two guards before she shoots the nurse and then Lambert's leg. He cries out in pain as he falls, but Shaw steps in and pulls him back to his feet by the collar of his suit.

She drags him to the closed door and swipes the keycard of the nurse from her room. When the code requirement screen pops up, she types the code the guard told her.

**3141H765**

A pleasant beep sounds in the elevator and the floor numbers light up underneath the screen. She presses the button with just a star symbol on it. When the elevator starts moving, Shaw's heart starts pounding in... Anticipation? Excitement? Relief?

All of the above, she decides.

"You know this is just another simulation, my dear Sameen. Why bother?" Lambert finally says with a struggled voice as Shaw forces him to stay standing on his now injured and bleeding leg.

"It's not a simulation." Shaw says surely.

"How are you so sure? It's been so easy for you to escape, why do you think that's so?"

Shaw scoffs. "Easy? This hasn't been easy. Not to mention this is not how the place looks in all of the other simulations."

Lambert lets out an easy laugh. "You've been getting used to the other ones, haven't you? We have to change it up so you don't catch on as quickly anymore."

Shaw hesitates. She's not sure if it's because of his laugh, his words, or the realization, but she hesitates if only for a second. _Is this a simulation?_ she thinks.

"Now enough with this whole escape plan, though it is quite a good one, I must admit. You've figure it out, so there's no point in continuing anymore."

Shaw sneers, gripping Lambert's collar tighter and leaning close to his ear from behind him. "Not before I kill you. No harm done if this is a simulation, after all, right?" She hears him gulp and that's enough answer for her. When the doors slide open, she's met with five guards, guns all pointed at her. But this time, she has leverage. And she won't back down.

"Let me go." Shaw growls. "Let me go and I'll leave Lambert alive." Nobody moves, nobody lowers their guns, nobody says a thing; just as she figured. She swings her gun arm out and shoots. The first two men go down before the other three start shooting. She feels a bullet stick into her arm, but she fights the pain and keeps shooting. Quickly, all five men are down and it's just her and Lambert, who is breathing heavily now. She looks down at his body to see three new patches of bloody shirt. "See you when I wake up." She says in his ear. She brings the barrel of the pistol to the side of his head and pulls the trigger. She feels his blood splatter on the side of her own face, but she can't care less as she darts down more hallways.

"Mexico," Shaw huffs as she walks down the road and sees the country's flag hanging everywhere. "Either this is real life, or Samaritan _really_ wanted to change it up."

 

 

_"Miss Groves, how is it going with the number?"_ Harold asks in her ear.

"Well," Root practically hums. "I definitely don't hate it." In front of her, her number lowers herself on the pole in the middle of the stage elegantly. She lands on her feet as smoothly as a cat and does a few body rolls against her pole. Kitty, that's her name -- or at least that's her _stage_ name. She wears a black mask over her eyes and a thong, her bra long since thrown away. "I am very surprised you sent me to do this number, Harold. John would have been very happy to do it as well."

_"Believe me, Root, I'm not the happiest person today."_ John grumbles. Root chuckles as she watches Kitty slide onto the floor and run her hand sensually down into the little bit of fabric covering her crotch. Root physically has to shift in her seat the whirling in her gut intensifies. It's been over a year since she's had the pleasure of... pleasuring another woman, and she's not happy about it. She can barely stomach the idea of the being with anyone other than Sameen, however. It's just not right to her.

_"I knew you would enjoy yourself, Samantha."_ Root rolls her eyes at the name she hates. "Do, however, remember that she is a part of your job."

"Oh relax, Harry, it's not like I'm about to jump her while she's preforming." Root slides further into her seat, crossing her legs tightly to quench a bit of the heat between her legs. "Though I still haven't decided about later."

_"I was certainly not implying things such as that, Miss Groves."_ Harold says, obviously embarrassed. _"I only meant that, though you may be enjoying the performance, you must not forget to check her surroundings for any possible perpetrator--"_

"Relax, Harry. This isn't my first rodeo."

_"Which part? The numbers, or the strip club?"_ John teases.

Root smiles mischievously. "Both."

It's a couple of hours into Kitty's shift when She contacts Root. It's a location, and despite Root telling her she's working on a number of her own, She insists. This location is of higher priority.

"Looks like it's your lucky night, Big Lug." Root says with a sad sigh. "She wants me elsewhere. You get to take over here."

_"What a coincidence."_ Reese says. _"I'm close already. Just wanted to go for a little drive. Be there in three."_

When John comes, Root sets off for her new location. It's some gas station in the not-so-great part of town. Why The Machine asked for _her_ specifically, she's not sure, but she trusts Her. When she walks in, there doesn't seem to be any problem going on. Confused to why she's been sent here, she walks the store, looking for anything suspicious. When she reaches the back of the store, she sees a woman facing the beer aisle, the hood of her sweater over her head. Something about her is suspicious and Root walks to the drink machine and fills a Styrofoam cup as she watches her from a distance.

When the girl turns around, Root drops her cup and it sprays all over the floor. Sameen shoots her head in Root's direction and their eyes lock. They stare at each other for what feels like ages, both of them unsure whether this is real or not. Root opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. She tries to step forward, but her feet don't move. She's stuck in shock, her head spinning.

"Root?" Shaw says first, breaking the invisible barrier keeping Root in her spot. Root walks forward slowly until she's right in front of Sameen. She brings her hands up to either side of the Persian's face, but doesn't touch her; she studies her face. She _looks_ like Shaw, but yet, she _doesn't_ look like her. This Shaw looks zombie-like. "Root." Shaw's voice is quiet and broken.

It's the second time she hears her voice saying her name that Root finally is able to do _something_. She finally runs her fingertips against pale skin, making sure this is indeed real and this is Shaw. Her vision goes blurry with tears spilling down her face and she cups Shaw's face.

"Shaw?" She whispers, because that's the only way she can say it.

"Is this real?" Shaw asks, her eyes shift from each of Root's gleaming honey brown orbs, because honestly, it _feels_ real, but so had all other ten thousand simulations.

"I'm wondering the same thing..." Root says throatily as she fights back the knot in her throat.

They stand there for a moment longer, just staring at each other, until reality hits Shaw -- or at least _her_ reality -- and she starts moving toward the exit of the station. "We have to move. We need to go before Samaritan finds me."

"I'll take you to Harold." Root says, following close behind Shaw in a daze. Shaw stops and turns to face Root again, eyes scanning the face of the woman she's seen every day, yet hasn't seen in over a year. Her heart sinks.

_She wants to go to The Machine. This is a simulation._

"We can't. I can't go to The Machine. They could be following me." Shaw shakes her head. "How about we go to your place?"

Root shakes her head back at her. "My place is with Harold and The Machine."

_Wrong,_ Shaw thinks. _This is all wrong._

"I'll take you to one of the safe places."

It's a new safe place she takes Shaw to, seeing as the other one is occupied with Elias. When they get there, John, Harold, and Bear are there. Shaw gets a welcoming greeting from Bear and he feels so _real_. But Shaw is tired, and Root takes her to the bed in the corner of the room to sleep after they patch her up. She lies down and pretends to sleep as she hears Reese, Finch, and Root talk about her. Just like in all of her simulations before, Reese and Finch have their doubts about her, though they are far happier that she's here. Root fights them against every negative idea about Shaw, and she's entirely grateful to still have the tall woman on her side through every single thousand of simulations.

When they're done, they agree to leave her in the safe house and not take her to The Machine, just in case. Root sits gently on the edge of the bed behind Shaw and places a tender hand on her hip.

"Sameen, we're going to keep you safe here, okay? Samaritan won't find you again." Shaw nods slowly. "Get some rest, okay? I'll be on the couch if you need me. The other two will be back tomorrow." Root is about to get up when Sameen takes her wrist to keep her seated. She turns her body to look at Root, telling her with her eyes what she can't say out loud. Root nods in understand with a small and sad smile and turns to look at Harold and John.

"We're glad you're back, Shaw." John says quietly. Shaw can't look at him, but nods in acknowledgment. When it's just Root and Shaw alone in the bed, Shaw can't look at her either. All of this feels too... similar to the simulations. Root, however, cannot take her eyes away from the dark rimmed and empty eyes that are Shaw's. She can't figure out what the girl is thinking, and it's killing her because she could read Shaw like a book most of the time.

"I never stopped looking for you, Shaw." Root says, and Shaw flinches, because she's heard her say that _so many times_. Root looks confused at Sameen's reaction to something she thought she'd be happy to hear. When Shaw finally looks into Root's eyes, it's with uncertainty.

"Tell me something only the real Root would know."

Root is taken aback by the request. "What?"

"Tell me something Simulation Root wouldn't know. Or is it that you can't? Because you're just another simulation."

"Simulation Root?" Root repeats, brows furrowed. "Sameen, what did they do to you?" She reaches for Shaw, but the sociopath moves away. "Sameen?"

"Root." Shaw gives her a firm look. "Tell me something." Root stares, mouth partly open, and nods.

"Do you remember that time you got the flu? And I stayed with you all day despite you telling me you were more sick of _me_ than you were sick with the flu. The next day, I had to go take care of a number, and even though you were being your usual hard to get self, I could tell you wanted me to stay." Root chuckles lightly at the memory and the corner of Shaw's lip twitches upward. "And then you blamed me for giving you the flu, when I wasn't even sick. And _you_ ended up getting _me_ sick."

Shaw nods her head. That's not something Simulation Root would know. That's not something anyone but the two of them would know. It was back at Shaw's place. Root had let herself into the loft like she always does, no regards for the buzzer or knocking, and wouldn't leave no matter how much Shaw complained or threatened her.

"So this is real?" Shaw asks.

"This is real, Sameen." Root says, cupping Shaw's face once again and looking deep into her chocolate brown eyes. "I can't believe I finally have you back. I can't believe you're finally here again. I have been looking for you for thirteen months with _nothing_."

Shaw snorts halfheartedly. "Shoulda tried Mexico."

"Mexico?" Root repeats.

"Kinda funny, actually." Shaw says with no sign of amusement in her voice. "I, an American citizen, had to sneak past the border to get back here."

Root laughs with tears in her eyes, and the pure perfection Shaw sees right in front her is enough to make a smile appear on her own face. She takes Root's face in her own hands, then, and leans forward until her lips are against the perky woman's.

The kiss is everything they need and tells them everything they want to hear from each other, and Shaw surprises Root with a _laugh_ when they part, because this is _real_.

Root is _real_.

And Shaw is _back_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr @ Gayassheda

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @ Gayassheda


End file.
